The Nanny Diaries

I am sitting here covered in porridge, rice, water, and soap. While you might think I’ve had a rough morning I am singing praises to God that I don’t have pee on me too like my partner in crime Kimi. One might ask their self what does the life of a Nanny look like? Well I will do my best to describe it leaving out no nasty details (who am I kidding the nasty details are probably the only ones you’re interested in right?)

Recipe for the perfect nanny...

Step 1:

Get up as the sun is rising around 5:30AM. Put your stuff up and take a few seconds for yourself. As the charges start to bang around it is time to get them immediately. Wait two seconds too long and you may end up with a variety of surprises when you open the door. Examples being clothes exploded out of drawers, water and milk dripping from the walls and covering the floor, beds piled on top of each other, or tooth paste covering beds and who knows what else.

Step 2:

Transform to Doctor mode and give out the daily meds. Make sure that you put the right dosages for seven different children all taking different amounts and different medications. DON’T MESS UP-- LIVES ARE ON THE LINE! Console kids to take the “purple stuff,” then strongly encourage them. Finally give up and force it down their throats.

Step 3:

Prepare a meal of mushy stuff for the baby. Feed it to her as she twists turns and wiggles everywhere the spoon is not. Find a lump of it on your shirt 30 minutes later. Stick the other children’s food in the freezer until cooled down. Block out screams from hunger pains coming from 3 highchairs. Continue feeding baby. Take out bowls and run for cover as the food goes everywhere… but in their mouths.

Step 4:

For shower time try to make it seem like it will be fun. Try and convince yourself of this too. Note for a novice: watch out for pee as the diaper is removed. Dump ice cold water onto the charge to start the extravaganza. Mix in a little bit of soap and then repeat the water. Be prepared to get soaked in the process. After dress the children, brush their teeth, and wipe sweat from your brow. Beware of small clothed children trying for a second round in the shower while finishing the washing process.

Step 5:

Play, read, play, scold, play, read, scold, scold, play.

Repeat as necessary.

Step 6:

NAP TIME!!!!!! Sleep if you can.

Step 7:

Repeat step 3, 4, and 5(x2).

Step 8:

For bed time clean up the mountain of toys sprawled all across the floor. Next make three bottles of milk and 4 sippy cups of milk. Do not forget the milk, or you will be sorry. Place screaming kids into bed and watch them run away. Try again. Watch them run a second time. Third time will be the charm if you can manage to close the door fast enough. Do not sit back and relax, the night is not over yet.

Step 9:

Make a pallet for yourself on the floor outside their room. Find many fans and make them all point directly into your face. Take a few minutes for yourself to recap the day and laugh at getting peed and spit up on. Pass out asleep.

Step 10:

Thirty minutes later wake up to a screaming baby and make a mad dash to find bottles. Try and get some rest after this. You have all this to look forward to again tomorrow!


Written by: The Nannies in Manila
(serving June & July 2009)